Parashat Hashavua: Toldot
It is hard to imagine a more dramatic progression in a relationship from harmony to rupture to repair than what happens between Yitzchak and Rivkah. As we read last week in Parashat Chayei Sarah, the relationship between Yizchak and Rivka begins with Rivkah literally falling in love with Yitzchak upon seeing him for the first time, when “Rivka saw Yitzchak, and fell from the camel / וַתֵּ֖רֶא אֶת־יִצְחָ֑ק וַתִּפֹּ֖ל מֵעַ֥ל הַגָּמָֽל.” (Gen. 24:64) Yitzchak immediately reciprocates her affection and makes Rivka part of his family: “Yitzchak brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she was his wife, and he loved her / וַיְבִאֶ֣הָ יִצְחָ֗ק הָאֹ֙הֱלָה֙ שָׂרָ֣ה אִמּ֔וֹ וַיִּקַּ֧ח אֶת־רִבְקָ֛ה וַתְּהִי־ל֥וֹ לְאִשָּׁ֖ה וַיֶּאֱהָבֶ֑הָ.” (Gen. 24:67)
This week in Toldot their harmony initially continues. After they are married, “Yitzchak pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was childless; and the Lord responded to his plea, and his wife Rivka conceived / וַיֶּעְתַּ֨ר יִצְחָ֤ק לַֽיהֹוָה֙ לְנֹ֣כַח אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י עֲקָרָ֖ה הִ֑וא וַיֵּעָ֤תֶר לוֹ֙ יְהֹוָ֔ה וַתַּ֖הַר רִבְקָ֥ה אִשְׁתּֽוֹ.” (Gen. 25:21)
But then, seemingly out of nowhere, once Rivka gives birth to Esav and Yaakov, there is rupture, first in their relationship with their children, and then with each other. “Yitzchak favored Esav because he had a taste for game; but Rivka favored Yaakov / וַיֶּאֱהַ֥ב יִצְחָ֛ק אֶת־עֵשָׂ֖ו כִּי־צַ֣יִד בְּפִ֑יו וְרִבְקָ֖ה אֹהֶ֥בֶת אֶֽת־יַעֲקֹֽב.” (Gen. 25:28) Note that while this verse is generally translated as each one ‘favoring’ a different child, the language is more troubling than that. The Torah tells us that each one loved a different child, without mentioning any feelings at all about the other.
Even that pales by comparison, however, to what Rivka does when she overhears Yitzchak telling Esav his plan for “my soul to bless you before I die / תְּבָרֶכְךָ֥ נַפְשִׁ֖י בְּטֶ֥רֶם אָמֽוּת.” (Gen. 27:4) Rivka convinces Yaakov to deceive Yitzchak and steal the blessing intended for Esav. As Chananel Mok bluntly assesses in his book, “Va’Tomar gam hi be’libah,” in the process she makes known her love of one child over the other; takes advantage of her husband’s poor eyesight; and sets two brothers against each other. Their family is thus exposed as fundamentally “flawed and dysfunctional.” (pp. 41-2)
Why would Rivka do such a thing? Recall that when she sought out God about her difficult pregnancy, God told her, “Two separate peoples shall issue from your body; one people shall be mightier than the other, and the older shall serve the younger / שְׁנֵ֤י [גוֹיִם֙] בְּבִטְנֵ֔ךְ וּשְׁנֵ֣י לְאֻמִּ֔ים מִמֵּעַ֖יִךְ יִפָּרֵ֑דוּ וּלְאֹם֙ מִלְאֹ֣ם יֶֽאֱמָ֔ץ וְרַ֖ב יַעֲבֹ֥ד צָעִֽיר.” (Gen. 25:23) In other words, she knew that Yaakov, the younger child, was destined to be stronger, to receive the priority blessing. And it seems likely that Yitzchak did not, because Rivka did not tell him about God’s prophecy, meaning that their rupture began even before the boys were born. (It is, however, also possible that Rivka did tell him, perhaps causing him to favor Esav as the child who would ultimately be overshadowed.)
One can imagine, at the moment Yitzchak realized what happened – that his wife and one son conspired against him and their other son in pursuit of some higher purpose, which she may or may not have shared with him – he was reminded of someone else who would do such a thing: his father Avraham. Recall that after Avraham was ready to offer Yitzchak as a sacrifice, we did not read of Avraham together again with Yitzchak or Sarah. Also, as mentioned earlier, Yitzchak brings Rivka into his mother’s tent, with no mention of his father!
It would have been hard to blame Yitzchak at this point for separating himself yet again from a person who prioritized a sense of higher purpose over family. Instead, Yitzchak and Rivka find their way to repair. When Rivka learns that Esav intends to kill Yaakov, she tells him to “arise and flee at once to Haran, to my brother Lavan / וְק֧וּם בְּרַח־לְךָ֛ אֶל־לָבָ֥ן אָחִ֖י חָרָֽנָה,” and explains to him, “Why should I lose you both in one day / לָמָ֥ה אֶשְׁכַּ֛ל גַּם־שְׁנֵיכֶ֖ם י֥וֹם אֶחָֽד.” (Gen. 27:43-45) When Rivka says to Yitzchak that Yaakov should go away to find his wife, Yitzchak himself tells Yaakov to leave and “take a wife there from among the daughters of Lavan / וְקַח־לְךָ֤ מִשָּׁם֙ אִשָּׁ֔ה מִבְּנ֥וֹת לָבָ֖ן.” (Gen. 28:2) The Torah tells us that Yitzchak sent Yaakov away to Lavan, “the brother of Rivka, mother of Yaakov and Esav / אֲחִ֣י רִבְקָ֔ה אֵ֥ם יַעֲקֹ֖ב וְעֵשָֽׂו.” (Gen. 28:5) Why was it necessary to say that Rivka was the “mother of Yaakov and Esav?” Even Rashi is stumped, saying, “I do not know what these words teach us / אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ מַה מְּלַמְּדֵנוּ.”
What do they teach us? That repair in a relationship might still be possible, even after a rupture that is hard to imagine recovering from, like this rupture between two of our greatest ancestors. Samson Raphael Hirsch observed that, “The Torah never hides from us the faults, errors and weaknesses of our great ancestors… If they stood before us as the purest models of perfection we should attribute a different nature to them, which has been denied to us. Were they without passion, without internal struggles, their virtues would seem to us the outcome of some higher nature, hardly a merit and certainly no model that we could hope to emulate… The Torah shows us no faults without at the same time letting us see the greater or lesser evil consequences.” (Gen. 12:10)
May we find harmony in our relationships, and have the ability and opportunity to consider the positive and negative consequences of our choices concerning those relationships; and may we find a way to repair even their most difficult ruptures.
Shabbat shalom
Rabbi Jack Nahmod
Middle School Rabbi and Judaic Studies Head (Ivrit/Limudei Kodesh/Tefillah)
