Parashat HaShavua - VaYetze

For the first time in the Torah, this week in VaYetze we encounter the word “hated / שְׂנוּאָ֣ה,” (Gen. 29:31) used to describe the tragic relationship between Leah and Yaakov, in sharp contrast with her sister Rachel. When Meir Shalev points this out in his book Reisheet, he notes how God quickly and dramatically shows disapproval of that hate: “The Lord saw that Leah was hated, so God opened her womb / וַיַּ֤רְא יְהֹוָה֙ כִּֽי־שְׂנוּאָ֣ה לֵאָ֔ה וַיִּפְתַּ֖ח אֶת־רַחְמָ֑הּ.” (Gen. 29:31) (pp. 227-28)

This does not, however, resolve the feelings of Leah. Her situation is so tragic, Shalev says, that her first three children bear names reflecting her suffering and longing for love: the first Reuven because “the Lord has seen my affliction / כִּֽי־רָאָ֤ה יְהֹוָה֙ בְּעָנְיִ֔י,” the second Shimon “the Lord has heard that I am hated / כִּֽי־שָׁמַ֤ע יְהֹוָה֙ כִּֽי־שְׂנוּאָ֣ה אָנֹ֔כִי,” and the third Levi because “this time my husband will be attached to me / עַתָּ֤ה הַפַּ֨עַם֙ יִלָּוֶ֤ה אִישִׁי֙ אֵלַ֔י.” It is not until their fourth child that she can finally express outright gratitude: “"This time, I will thank the Lord / הַפַּ֨עַם֙ אוֹדֶ֣ה אֶת־יְהֹוָ֔ה” (Gen. 29:32-35)

Thus we see that even though God shows her favor, she struggles to overcome the feeling of being hated. And then in the next generation, unfortunately, her children become aggressors and turn on Yosef, the older son of her sister Rachel. “They hated him /  וַיִּשְׂנְא֖וּ אֹת֑וֹ,” (Gen. 37:4) we are told; and then “they continued to hate him more / וַיּוֹסִ֤פוּ עוֹד֙ שְׂנֹ֣א אֹת֔וֹ.” (Gen. 37:8)

There too, God shows favor to the one who is hated. When Yosef is exiled to Egypt by his brothers, “The Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man / וַיְהִ֤י יְהֹוָה֙ אֶת־יוֹסֵ֔ף וַיְהִ֖י אִ֣ישׁ מַצְלִ֑יחַ.” Of course he did not accomplish this on his own, like Leah before him. Rather, “whatever he did the Lord made his hand prosper / וְכֹל֙ אֲשֶׁר־ה֣וּא עֹשֶׂ֔ה יְהֹוָ֖ה מַצְלִ֥יחַ בְּיָדֽוֹ.” (Gen. 39:2-3) Yet Yosef too continues to suffer, much the same way Leah did, due to his family situation. He names his first child Menashe because “God has caused me to forget all my labor and my father's house / כִּֽי־נַשַּׁ֤נִי אֱלֹהִים֙ אֶת־כָּל־עֲמָלִ֔י וְאֵ֖ת כָּל־בֵּ֥ית אָבִֽי,” and his second Efraim because “God made me fruitful in the land of my affliction / כִּֽי־הִפְרַ֥נִי אֱלֹהִ֖ים בְּאֶ֥רֶץ עָנְיִֽי.” (Gen. 41:51-52)

These feelings continue until his first reunion with his brothers. When they appear before him in Egypt seeking food, “he spoke to them harshly / וַיְדַבֵּ֧ר אִתָּ֣ם קָשׁ֗וֹת.” (Gen. 42:7) He is slow to reveal himself even after he overhears them say to one another - not knowing they are before Yosef, who can understand them - that this harsh treatment is divine retribution for what they did to him. (Gen. 42:21)

What breaks the cycle of self-loathing and hate? Ultimately, his brothers express profound remorse to, and seek forgiveness from, Yosef: “Please, forgive now your brothers' transgression and their sin, for they did evil to you. Now please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father / אָ֣נָּ֡א שָׂ֣א נָ֠א פֶּ֣שַׁע אַחֶ֤יךָ וְחַטָּאתָם֙ כִּֽי־רָעָ֣ה גְמָל֔וּךָ וְעַתָּה֙ שָׂ֣א נָ֔א לְפֶ֥שַׁע עַבְדֵ֖י אֱלֹהֵ֣י אָבִ֑יךָ.” (Gen. 50:17) And Yosef is finally able to be at peace with what God has given him, his power and opportunity to do good: “You conceived evil against me, but God conceived it for good, in order to make a day like this, to keep a great nation alive / וְאַתֶּ֕ם חֲשַׁבְתֶּ֥ם עָלַ֖י רָעָ֑ה אֱלֹהִים֙ חֲשָׁבָ֣הּ לְטֹבָ֔ה לְמַ֗עַן עֲשׂ֛ה כַּיּ֥וֹם הַזֶּ֖ה לְהַֽחֲיֹ֥ת עַם־רָֽב.” (Gen. 49:20)

Ultimately, it seems that for both Leah and Yosef it is not enough that God shows them favor. They must also reach the point for themselves when they are able to feel gratitude and not shame. May all those who show hate to others reach a point when they realize their mistake and seek forgiveness; and may those to whom they show it experience the favor of God, and reach the point when they can feel gratitude for and appreciate who they are and the power they have.

Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Jack Nahmod
Middle School Judaic Studies Head
Rabbinic Advisor