Parashat HaShavua - Vayetze
This week, Yaakov is on the run. After Esav discovers that Yaakov has usurped the blessing of the first-born, he vows to kill his brother. Yaakov steals away to Haran, the land of his mother’s family.
When the parasha opens,it is nighttime in the desert. As anyone who has travelled in the Negev knows, the heat of the day in the desert is deceptive — at night, it is freezing cold. The parasha tells us that he has only a stone for a pillow.
And it is at this moment, in the dark and the cold, that Yaakov has an existential realization:
וַיִּיקַץ יַעֲקֹב מִשְּׁנָתוֹ וַיֹּאמֶר אָכֵן יֵשׁ יְהֹוָה בַּמָּקוֹם הַזֶּה וְאָנֹכִי לֹא יָדָעְתִּי׃
Yaakov awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely God is in this place, and I did not know it!”
I am not a huge fan of winter. The dark and the cold have a tendency to take a little bit of the shine out of my smile. And this week, as we mourned the death of Omer Neutra, feels particularly cold and dark. At the risk of sounding really corny, in times of darkness, I ask myself how I can find my way back to God. Sometimes God feels very close to me when things are tough and sometimes God feels very far away.
Lately, I have been trying to find my way back using the tried and true formula of the rabbis: תורה, עבודה, גמילות חסדים — Torah, prayer and deeds of loving kindness. I recommend it as a spiritual practice for winter, or any other kind of darkness for that matter.
Torah — in my 12th grade class, Gender in the Tanakh, instead of assigning a new text, I asked my students what text they would like to study. They asked to learn about Devora and Yael in the book of Judges. I have never studied these chapters before, so I am having the experience of approaching Torah as a total beginner, which has been challenging in a good way.
Prayer — When the words of prayer feel stuck in my mouth, which has been the case recently for me, I turn to התבודדות, a Hasidic practice that I learned at the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. It’s pretty simple. You find a spot where you are alone — ideally in nature but that has not been possible for me — and you talk to God in your own words. Out loud. It has to be out loud and you are supposed to just keep talking no matter how silly it sounds. It doesn’t need to be for long (you will be surprised how long 5 minutes feels when you are talking to God…). For me, it has been a really powerful experience.
Deeds of Loving Kindness — No matter what the darkness around me may be, my soul is warmed when I join our students in acts of hesed. This year, we have been cooking weekly for our neighbors at Amsterdam Houses and delivering hot meals every Thursday. Yesterday, our 5th graders spent the end of their school day making quesadillas, muffin tin omelettes and Israeli salad. Their spirit of cooperation, their funny remarks while chopping cucumbers and their willingness to clean all the dishes, and their satisfaction in knowing they had made a meal that people would enjoy give me a lot of hope.
It’s going to be winter for a while longer. I wish us all the ability to find practices that will warm our hearts and souls and motivate us to take action to warm the hearts and souls of others.
Rabbi Anne Ebersman
Early Childhood and Lower School Director of Jewish Life/Director of Hesed (Community Service) and Tzedek (Social Responsibility)
